When people see me with all of my kids, or when people talk to Jad and find out he has four kids, the question inevitably arises, “Are you done having kids?”
Sometimes the tone sounds more like, “You are done having kids, right??” Other people will just smile and say, “Well, you have your girl now, so you can be done!”
To me, this “Are you done” question is one of the hardest questions I have been asked, and continue to get asked. There is something so final if you say “Yes,” isn’t there?
I find myself debating back and forth sometimes. For those of you who have been asked similar questions, here might be some of the arguments people give you for each stance:
Be Done Don’t Be Done
You are getting older.
Think of your past health and labor issues.
Can you even handle all the kids you have?
Kids are expensive.
Don’t you want to lose weight and stay thin?
Pregnancy is so hard on the body.
You will be really old when your last kid goes off to college.
Notice how the Not Done list is blank? That’s because people don’t usually encourage you to have more when you already have four, or a perceived other large number of kids.
Has anyone else had this experience? I mean, the reasons to be done are quite logical. The problem is, the feeling of whether or not you are done having kids isn’t necessarily logical. So, what should we do? Follow our brains or our hearts?
For me, it isn’t as much about what my brain tells me, as it is about what I feel. My husband and I feel the same way.
So, when people ask us, “Are you done?” we just say “We don’t know yet.” Really? Oh…
I wish I could say that I have had a strong feeling one way or another about it. I haven’t, and neither has my husband. We may at some point in the next couple years, but we are leaving our options open.
Would I like to be able to get past that baby phase of life? In some ways, yes. In others, no way. It would be nice to not have to change diapers anymore, and be able to have consistent sleep. It would also be nice to get rid of all the baby stuff and have all my kids in school.
But, then the other side of me is worried that this will be the last opportunity I will have to see what a new baby of ours looks like, to hold that baby in my arms for the first time, to snuggle and sing to that baby, and to teach him/her everything I know.
That is why I am leaving it up to the Lord. I have always done that. I felt very strongly, after being married to my first husband for nine months, that it was time to have a baby. I thank the Lord I listened to that prompting, else my first born had never been born. Rigel was meant to be with us, as we got pregnant with him so quickly after marriage. With Kamren, we both felt it was time to have another baby. And with Eve, I knew before Jad, and once he knew, it took nine months to get pregnant with her. In each situation of conception, it was clear what God’s will was. It was also clear in each and every delivery, that God was with us all along the way.
It is up to you, your spouse, and the Lord as to how many children you will have and when. If you have a large family, and feel pressured to stop having kids, don’t let it bother you. Perhaps that advice with help you, but if you aren’t feeling it, that is fine. Just be patient and wait on the Lord’s promptings.
I certainly have had days where I feel I couldn’t feel any more joy than I feel right now with my beautiful, precious, Eve. She is truly the sunshine of my life. Then, there are other days when my husband asks me what another child of ours would look like, and I feel that wonder arise within me.
We are taking it one day at a time. We don’t owe anybody an answer right now, and neither do you, if that is your situation. Only you and your spouse and the Lord know what is best for your family. I pray that my husband and I, and your spouse and you, make the decisions that will be most in line with God’s will, always.